2020: The Year of Autumn
I have been facilitating art sessions to help
people reflect on the year 2020. It truly has been an unprecedented year. Many
shared they hardly had time to contemplate on all that has been happening, and
now it was coming to an end. Though there were moments that seemed to drag on
endlessly, like when time came to a halt, there were many moments this year which
zipped past in a flash.
Most were grateful to have remained intact
mentally and physically. Glad for a slower pace of life and more time with
loved ones. Some felt they have not accomplished much though in reality, living
in uncertainty and change can be hard work in itself. Hence, coming so far, I
think it is worth a little celebration!
I have been wondering what I will remember of
this time years from now. As an artist and art therapist, I am naturally given
to observing, musing and recording. Observing intriguing events, musing over
the unexpected, recording shifts both on the outside world and the inner realm.
My inner realm was irrevocably awakened in 2020.
Like a barometer, it began taking readings when the external weather turned
erratic and unpredictable. This barometer which sprang to life, has been a
regulator of the highs and lows of my life in the pandemic. Whenever it sent me
a signal, I was always attentive and made sure to take good notes. My art making
and writings have become an integral part of processing these notes. Most times,
I managed to figure out the inherent messages. Without this inner gauge meter, I imagine
myself fluttering in the sky, like a kite without a string, subject to the harsh elements.
I see 2020 as a year of abundant gusty winds
for me, blowing from all manner of directions. Just as a typhoon receded,
another gale would arrive at my door. As the winds battered and continued to
howl, I began to see a vision of falling leaves, chaotic and unrestrained, shedding
from trees all around. Although its summer all year in Singapore, I experienced
a perennial autumn, metaphorically, inside. What I could not hang on to, began
to dislodge and shed. As time passed, more began to fall away. The project that
would not launch, the people that I could not meet, and the ideas that would
not take off...all flown away like fallen leaves.
Though initially disconcerting and frustrating,
I began to secretly regale in this autumn season. Fall has always been my favorite
season I reasoned. I recalled myself as a youthful university student in the United
Kingdom, laying amongst autumn leaves whenever I could, under willowy trees. I
scrapbooked the reddest leaves and enjoyed being immersed in the sheer beauty
of this synchronized chaos of falling leaves, in all its dazzling colors.
Shedding leaves apparently help trees conserve
energy and water. As unfavorable and inclement weather approaches, trees cut
off their leaves, reabsorbing the nutrients from these leaves back into the
trees. The nutrients which are reabsorbed are stored, nourishing the trees and
even go to the roots. It’s like the matured leaves have completed their jobs,
and left a legacy for their trees till the next bloom.
Humans like trees probably benefit from a
regular shedding. What used to work in the past may not continue to be helpful
once I have grown out of them, whether these were traits, goals or even dreams.
I needed to appraise, reorder and adapt, especially during changing seasons. Losing
things that I have relied on for a long time can be painful, but might be necessary.
It has been said that even familiar character strengths, when overused can become
a handicap if not reinvented. Shedding is hence not incremental, it’s transformative!
It only happens in autumn.
What stays constant and core will be the inner
realm, affixed with the barometer that keeps it at a balmy temperature. I am
reminded once again that my trunk and roots are ultimately what holds me
together. When the going gets tough, that’s what I need to focus on, a
reconsolidation of the core. I think the best thing that has come out of 2020
and this glorious shedding season is finding out what truly holds meaning for
me and keeps me going, even when many leaves have fallen away.
What is intriguing is how trees grow a
protective layer when leaves are shed, to cover over the exposed areas where
the leaves have fallen from, effectively sealing the tree trunk from external elements.
The core has self-healing, rejuvenating and protective qualities. How marvelous!
A shedding tree is indeed a glorious sight to
behold. And it is in the autumn season that the tree is at its most colorful and
dazzling for all to see. It is a celebration of past achievements maturing, falling
away, and giving way to new unimagined possibilities. I shall enjoy the year of autumn while it lasts. Adieus soon, 2020!
Han Li June
(The themes discussed in this article are purely based on the author’s selective
perception and do not represent any one person or group’s reflection)
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