Talking Lofty Passions in a Real World

 

Recently I have been feeling rather overwhelmed with new things, new "good things". The kind that you think may be too good to be true. Like a meaningful project where the sponsor believes in the larger good, where passionate people think you can do a good job and entrust you with something important to complete. Like achieving the breakthrough you have been waiting for because someone offered a hand to collaborate to make it happen. In other words, out of the blue, a shower of unexpected good blessings.

I often feel more confident dealing with onerous and laborious responsibilities than being served with good people and things. Good things seem unmerited and may disappear in a puff of smoke before I even begin to savor it. In addition, it is a burden to risk disappointing genuinely kind people who believe in me, and think I can accomplish something meaningful.

It is much easier to deal with predictable tasks, long hours and ambitious goals handed down to me from above. This gives me the excuse to complain and make accusations against the people who fashioned them. I can play the victim, say I have no choice but to fulfil the extra assignments, growth targets and slog on. At the end of the day, I am exhausted but I don’t feel beholden to anyone. “I am doing it for a salary!” I can proudly proclaim to everyone.

In stark contrast, when encountered with a gift of a higher mission, I become lost for words, not sure where to begin. Since I started to leave pockets of time in my week to “go with the flow” and “do something more meaningful”, I have been met with surprising encounters. Perhaps it is because I spend more time talking and conversing with people at a deeper level – human to human. I have begun to enter a different realm of working. “Own time, own target” as they call it here in Singapore. Essentially I own my time and no one’s looking over my shoulder for compliance or waiting for any immediate gain. There is little external pressure. Things move entirely on my own initiative, no one else owns them.

This new realm involves working from a fountain of what’s within people’s hearts, including mine. I realize there are many people, who like me, want to spend more time working on the good things but never have time or were too worried it would look frivolous. Such as an odd idea to inspire a small community, an intense desire to share an interest, to impact society at a more spiritual level. There are so many reasons we make up to convince ourselves it will likely be futile, laughable, a waste of effort or only reserved for when we retire. However, I have discovered that these lofty passions truly can be workable if we give it some weight, a little time, lots of patience and a sprinkle of faith. Good things can bloom.

And so, as I begin to relish in these hearty conversations with people to discuss how we want to do good and change the world, I have been pleasantly surprised by the concrete and executable plans that have resulted. Though as I mentioned at the start of this article, what is stopping me is my own cynicism and distrust of good things and good people. And my own self-doubt if I would be able to make a real difference. After all, we live in a world where we literally drown in good ideas and intentions.

I wonder what was wrong with me until I reflected and realized that it is indeed easier to distance myself from matters of the heart, for these require hope, delicate hands, furry gloves and warm toasty hugs to sustain. Not forgetting a good measure of self-forgiveness since I will likely fail to grasp the complexity of changing the world, and fall down on my feet multiple times making many first attempts.

Managing people and things at a professional distance, systemically, is what I am used to. Erecting walls of accountability was what I did for a living. This sharing for caring ventures, and going deep, is not for the well-rehearsed salaried workers like me. Birthing big ideas is cool, but carrying the babies that emerge can be undeniably daunting…

This limiting and functional way of thinking is rather ingrained in me, more than I appreciate. I guess the time has come for me to take the plunge. I think the best part working with genuinely kind people with lofty passions is, they do have a wealth of humor, wisdom, humanity and great faith in trying when others have looked away. And they have seen failures and lived. I should be more courageous, brave and less self-conscious. Taking risks can be good at middle age after all, for it jolts you immediately into young adulthood again, full of possibilities and pregnant with ideas. Beyond talking lofty passions, I need to develop a real belief of good again in this world, and a deeper conviction to make good things happen.

 

Han Li June